Old Man Liver

Last week I completely discredited myself with a tasteless rendition of Porky and Bile, so since I seem to be on a roll, I thought I’d take one of my favorite show tunes, and completely destroy it and any shred of credibility I have with the the hepatitis C community.

Old Man Liver (apologies to Oscar Hammerstein)

Old man liver,
That old man liver,
He must know something,
But don't say nothing,
He just keeps growing
He keeps on growing again.

He makes that bile,
He makes those hormones,
And when he’s tired
and soon forgotten,
That old man liver,
He just  keeps growing again.

Big old liver keeps fighting that booze.
He stores, he sweats, he strains,
Body all aching, and racked with pain.
Make that bile

Tote that hep C
Don’t get drunk
or you land in hospice

Old man liver,
That old man liver,
He must know something,
But don't say nothing,
He just keeps growing
He keeps on growing again.

I am just glad that Paul Robeson can’t read this from the grave…

Porky and Bile

Apologies to George Gershwin, but it is hot here and I just never know what will appear in the Hepatitis Comics.This is sung to the tune of Summertime from Porgy and Bess:

Summertime,

And the liver is easy,

ALT is jumpin’

And bilirubin is high…

Your doctor’s rich

And your nurse is good lookin’

So hush little tummy,

Don’t you cry.

Do you think this will win a Tony?

Liver Olympics

With the recent London Olympics and World Hepatitis Day, it is time for the 2012 International O’liveric games. Instead of Olympic rings, the logo is five interlocking livers. Here are the events:

• Darts: Limited to patients on hepatitis C treatment, participants compete to see who is the fasted self-injector in the world.
• Liver throwing – Competition to see who can throw a post-transplanted cirrhotic liver the farthest.
• Marathon: Another event for patients on hepatitis C treatment, participants compete to see who is on treatment the longest. 
• 100 centimeter race – This race is so short, even a person with liver failure can enter.
• Synchronized Sleeping – Anyone want to join my team?

Even the Rocks…

I wonder if I am a bit obsessed with the liver. Just this week, I saw a rock that looked like a liver. Perhaps I do have rocks in my head. I guess that beats gallstones.

World Hepatitis Day

Today is World Hepatitis Day and to honor the occasion, I am not going to make anything up. I want to pass along information about the World Hepatitis Alliance’s campaign to set a Guinness World Record today. For more information, visit World Hepatitis Day.


This placard was created by Daryl Luster. Look for it all over the world...

Don’t worry, next week I will be back to my demented, biley self.

Lame Shows

There just isn’t enough programming on TV about the liver. Oprah has her own network, OWN. There is the Lifetime channel. It is time for the Liver channel. Here is the fall line-up:

Hepardy

Wheel of Misfortune

Liver and Order

Gall

America’s Got Bile

Hepatologist Who

Desperate Liverwives

Two and a Half Livers

America’s Top Liver

The West Lobe

The Liver Diaries

Buffy the Hepatitis-Slayer

I Love Liver

Little Liver on the Prairie

Xena: Liver Princess

And for late night viewers:

Liverman

Saturday Night Liver

Liver Coloring Books

Last week I horrified readers with my disclosure that I read books about the liver to my grandchildren. Lest you think I am completely off my rocker, let me assure you that I do normal things with my grand-kids. For instance, this week we are coloring in one of my favorite coloring books.