Saturday, November 30, 2013
Thank you, liver, for not complaining once about the turkey, stuffing, gravy, sweet potatoes, and cranberry sauce. I know it would have been better if I had eaten more green beans, but if I had, there would not have been room for extra stuffing. I appreciate all the work you did to help me digest that extra rich food, and although I am grateful, I do have one request. Would you talk to my gall bladder and ask it not to complain so much! A little team work would have made Thanksgiving much more enjoyable.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
A Prayer to My Gall Bladder
I have a Thanksgiving request
I need for you to digest;
dear pouch beneath my liver
I need your help as I eat that sliver
of pie, turkey and extra gravy
and perhaps some stuffing savory;
Break down the fat from all that food
and please, oh please, don’t wreck my mood;
Tiny, bag of green bile,
please continue to work awhile
as I eat a second helping or a third,
spare me, from antacids and attacks of GERD.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
A spelling mistake can change the meaning of words, so watch that spellchecker feature...
- Hepatologist vs herpetologist – Depending on whether you need help with your liver or your snake, be sure you know which specialist to consult
- Hepatitis vs helpatitis – Hepatitis is inflammation of the liver; helpatitis is when all hell breaks loose in the liver
- Gall bladder vs gull bladder – A gall bladder condition needs a physician, a gull bladder problem needs a veterinarian or an ornithologist
- Liver vs lover – You don’t want to lose either. One you can’t live without; the other doesn’t complain
- Pepsi vs hep C – Neither is good for you, but one isn’t contagious
Saturday, November 9, 2013
All vertebrates have a liver. Technically you might not be able to call someone “lily-livered” if they are spineless – check for the presence of a liver first. Don’t call them gutless until you are sure they have a digestive tract. Or just stick with “coward.”
The liver regenerates. This means that your liver is making new cells. I don’t know why that feature was overlooked on my face. It seems entirely reasonable that a new liver would like to have matching eyelids.
A mere quarter of a liver can grow to a full size liver, a process known as compensatory growth. If all organs could do this, then things might have been better for John Wayne Bobbitt if Lorena had left 25% of John’s famous lost member intact.
The liver does not have any nerve endings. This means you could get stabbed in the liver and your liver would not complain about it while you are dying.
Humans cannot live without a liver, so no liver, no liver.
The liver is not trivial.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
The Liver Meeting starts today, an annual event sponsored by the American Association for the Study of Liver Diseases (AASLD). Picture a huge convention hall, with presentations from morning to night—all focused on the liver. Speakers hone their liver jokes, capturing the audience’s attention with attention-grabbing opening lines such as, “Two livers walked in a bar…” or “Did you hear the one about the liver that…” Naturally, if you aren’t a hepatologist, you might not think liver jokes are funny. A herpetologist accidentally attended the Liver Meeting and didn’t get a single joke.