Saturday, December 7, 2013

Saying Goodbye to The Hepatitis Comics

It is with mixed emotions that I have decided to retire The Hepatitis Comics. I created this blog in October 2009 after learning about cancer bloggers who poked humor at aspects of their disease. For more than four years I’ve been laughing at my hepatic self, cracking jaundiced jokes and trying to soften the impact of living with liver disease.
What I did not anticipate is that one day my hepatitis C would be cured. That day is here, and naturally, I am overjoyed. However, I feel I’ve lost my prop. It borders on bad taste to make hepatitis C jokes when you don’t have it. Fortunately, hepatitis C treatment didn’t change my hair color, so I will continue to collect and tell blonde jokes. (Brunettes who tell blonde jokes are just jealous.)
Please follow me on my regular blog, LucindaPorterRN, where I will occasionally lob some liver levity. Thank you for reading The Hepatitis Comics. May you too, be free from hepatitis C, but still full of humor.  

Saturday, November 30, 2013

A Post-Thanksgiving Liver Prayer

Thank you, liver, for not complaining once about the turkey, stuffing, gravy, sweet potatoes, and cranberry sauce. I know it would have been better if I had eaten more green beans, but if I had, there would not have been room for extra stuffing. I appreciate all the work you did to help me digest that extra rich food, and although I am grateful, I do have one request. Would you talk to my gall bladder and ask it not to complain so much! A little team work would have made Thanksgiving much more enjoyable. 

Saturday, November 23, 2013

A Prayer to My Gall Bladder

A Prayer to My Gall Bladder

I have a Thanksgiving request
I need for you to digest;
dear pouch beneath my liver
I need your help as I eat that sliver
of pie, turkey and extra gravy
and perhaps some stuffing savory;
Break down the fat from all that food
and please, oh please, don’t wreck my mood;
Tiny, bag of green bile,
please continue to work awhile
as I eat a second helping or a third,
spare me, from antacids and attacks of GERD.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Unfortunate Hepatic Typos

A spelling mistake can change the meaning of words, so watch that spellchecker feature... 
  • Hepatologist vs herpetologist – Depending on whether you need help with your liver or your snake, be sure you know which specialist to consult
  • Hepatitis vs helpatitis – Hepatitis is inflammation of the liver; helpatitis is when all hell breaks loose in the liver
  • Gall bladder vs gull bladder – A gall bladder condition needs a physician, a gull bladder problem needs a veterinarian or an ornithologist
  • Liver vs lover – You don’t want to lose either. One you can’t live without; the other doesn’t complain
  • Pepsi vs hep C – Neither is good for you, but one isn’t contagious 

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Liver Trivia

All vertebrates have a liver.  Technically you might not be able to call someone “lily-livered” if they are spineless – check for the presence of a liver first. Don’t call them gutless until you are sure they have a digestive tract. Or just stick with “coward.”
The liver regenerates. This means that your liver is making new cells. I don’t know why that feature was overlooked on my face. It seems entirely reasonable that a new liver would like to have matching eyelids.
A mere quarter of a liver can grow to a full size liver, a process known as compensatory growth. If all organs could do this, then things might have been better for John Wayne Bobbitt if Lorena had left 25% of John’s famous lost member intact.
The liver does not have any nerve endings. This means you could get stabbed in the liver and your liver would not complain about it while you are dying.
Humans cannot live without a liver, so no liver, no liver.
The liver is not trivial.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

The Liver Meeting

The Liver Meeting starts today, an annual event sponsored by the American Association for the Study of Liver Diseases (AASLD). Picture a huge convention hall, with presentations from morning to night—all focused on the liver. Speakers hone their liver jokes, capturing the audience’s attention with attention-grabbing opening lines such as, “Two livers walked in a bar…” or “Did you hear the one about the liver that…” Naturally, if you aren’t a hepatologist, you might not think liver jokes are funny.  A herpetologist accidentally attended the Liver Meeting and didn’t get a single joke. 

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Halloween at the Hepatitis Comics

In honor of Halloween, I found something ghoulish and liver-related— hepatoscopy. Practiced by the Babylonians, hepatoscopy is an occult ritual which uses a sheep liver in order to look into the future. A priest divided a liver into into sections, with each section representing a particular deity. The priest then interpreted the "signs" of the liver in order to divine a course of action.

There is a biblical reference to this practice, “For the king of Babylon will stop at the fork in the road, at the junction of the two roads to seek an omen; He will cast lots with arrows, he will consult with his idols, he will examine the liver.” – Ezekiel 21:21.

It is a good thing the king of Babylon didn’t pick up that fork in the road…

What are you doing for Halloween? I am watching my neighbor’s livestock to be sure the sheep don’t go missing.