Wheel of Liver

Still honoring the fact that October is liver awareness month, here is more liver trivia:

• A double-layered membrane encases the liver. This protects the liver against friction from nearby organs.
• Liver cells do not have nerves. This means that technically a liver biopsy would not hurt if doctors could perform a liver biopsy without puncturing the skin, membrane and surrounding tissue. However, the majority of liver biopsy procedures are percutaneous, meaning a needle needs to pass through the skin and surrounding tissue in order to get to the liver. This is why a local anesthetic is used to numb the area.
• The liver has over 500 functions. The human body relies on the liver for regulation of energy, hormonal balance and clotting.  It also filters nutrients, poisons and bacteria.

Hepardy

Alan Franciscus, Director of the Hepatitis C Support Project, modeled a game after the popular game show, Jeopardy. He named this liver trivia game, Hepardy. Here are more liver facts in honor of Liver Awareness Month:

• The liver can re-grow damaged cells. This is known as regeneration. The liver can regenerate an entire liver from only one-fourth of a functioning liver.
• You can live without your gall bladder. You cannot live without your liver.
• A veritable highway system of arteries, veins and capillaries run through the liver. A quart and a half of blood flows through the liver every minute.

Trivia Pursuit or Livia Hirsute?

October is liver awareness month. This is also the first anniversary of this blog. In honor of these events, I will present trivia about the liver.

• The liver is the largest internal organ. 
• Roughly, the size of a football, the liver typically weighs around three pounds.
• The liver is a non-complaining organ.  Three quarters of the liver can be damaged and you might not notice any signs of it.  
• Everything passes through the liver. This includes everything you eat, breathe, and apply to your skin.

Liver Biopsisms

Next week I am going in for a liver biopsy. I am using humor to prepare myself. Here are some things I do not want to hear before, during, or after the procedure:
“Don’t worry, I always shake a little in the morning before my first couple of drinks.”
“Wait a minute, if this is the liver, then what is that?”
“Rats, I hate it when the needles aren’t very sharp.”
“Sorry, I am late. I was up late last night; my wife and I had a fight this morning and the coffee maker broke so I didn’t have my usual morning coup of java.”
“Darn, I hate it when a page is missing from the manual.”
“Nurse, hand me that what-cha-ma-call-it.”
“Hmmm, I wonder how long the power will be out this time.”
“I thought the liver was on the left side. I hate it when I mix up the heart and the liver.”

What Hepatitis C Treatment Feels Like

One of my quirks is that I collect descriptions of what hepatitis C treatment feels like. Here are a few favorites:

“It is like menopause, complete with irritability and hot flashes. I love watching men on treatment. I hope it gives them sympathy for peri-menopausal women.”

“It’s like being at high altitudes, except the view isn’t as good.”

“I just tell myself that I am in a rented body. I will upgrade it when I am done with HCV therapy.”

“My body has been snatched by aliens, except in this case, the aliens are interferon and ribavirin.”

“Every once in awhile, I lose my temper or say something inappropriate. It is amazing how words just pop out of my mouth that I never would have said before. At first I chastised myself about it. Now I just tell myself that I have interferon-induced Tourette’s syndrome. Thank goodness it is temporary”

“HCV treatment feels like a preview of old age.”

Humoring the Liver

This week I am boosting our immune systems with a few laughs. Here are some more funny but true medical records dictated by physicians. These are from a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D. for the Journal of Court Reporting and have been reprinted at several Internet sites and magazines.
"Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."
"The skin was moist and dry."
"Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."
"Coming from Detroit, this man has no children."
"Patient was alert and unresponsive."
"When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."

Happy Liver Day (Doesn’t that sound better than Labor Day?)

One of the aggravating aspects of hepatitis C treatment is when people say, “But you look so good!” This is often said in a defiant, questioning tone, which is open to interpretation. Are they saying, “Are you really feeling bad, because after all, you look fine?” Did they think I was lying when I said I felt like crap?

I like what Jean Kerr said about beauty, “I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?” Now that’s a woman after my own liver.