Liver Biopsisms

Next week I am going in for a liver biopsy. I am using humor to prepare myself. Here are some things I do not want to hear before, during, or after the procedure:
“Don’t worry, I always shake a little in the morning before my first couple of drinks.”
“Wait a minute, if this is the liver, then what is that?”
“Rats, I hate it when the needles aren’t very sharp.”
“Sorry, I am late. I was up late last night; my wife and I had a fight this morning and the coffee maker broke so I didn’t have my usual morning coup of java.”
“Darn, I hate it when a page is missing from the manual.”
“Nurse, hand me that what-cha-ma-call-it.”
“Hmmm, I wonder how long the power will be out this time.”
“I thought the liver was on the left side. I hate it when I mix up the heart and the liver.”