Friday, March 12, 2010

More Medical Notes

I laughed so hard at some of the medical notes that Richard Lederer, Ph.D. wrote in his column for the Journal of Court Reporting, that I thought I’d print some more. They aren't directly liver-related, but I am sure our livers won't mind.
  • The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
  • She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
  • The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
  • The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
  • Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
  • The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
  • Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.
  • She is numb from her toes down.
  • While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

2 comments:

  1. I enjoyed these medical notes. Here's a few more medical-related blunders, this time from the pens of innocently confused school children (borrowed from http://www.funny-english-errors.com):

    "Essay on breathing: Breath is made of air. We breathe with our lungs, our livers and our kidneys. If it wasn't for our breath we should die when we slept. Boys that stay in a room all day should not breathe. They should wait until they get out doors. Boys in a room make carbonicide. Carbonicide is more poisonous than mad dogs. A heap of soldiers was in a black hole in India and carbonicide got in that black hole and killed nearly all of them."

    "A doctor uses a cynical thermometer."

    "The boy who had fever shimmered."

    "The white Forecastles in the blood kill Bacteria."

    "A goitre is a kind of banjo."

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