Insults to the Liver

On a recent Daily Show, Jon Stewart quipped that the approval rating of Congress is slightly below hepatitis C - what an insult to hepatitis C!

And while we are on the subject, can you imagine getting a phone call from an opinion pollster asking what your opinion, “On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate hepatitis C?” Compared to what? Hep A? Gonorrhea? A sharp stick in the eye? Being trapped in an elevator with an opinion pollster?

Super PAC C

At the moment I wrote this, Steven Colbert’s Super PAC has raised over a million dollars. This is insane. Do you know how much good that kind of money could do if it was invested in hepatitis C awareness, testing, counseling, or research? I think we should nominate Hepatitis C for President, start a Super PAC, and run a campaign. I can just see the ads now - “C: the Future President.”

Super Bowl

Tomorrow is the Super Bowl, a day I affectionately call the NFL Games (Never Forget Liver Games). While the Giants and Patriots are duking it out, protecting their heads, shoulders, teeth, and jock parts, note that their livers are working overtime and unprotected. In the meantime, much of America will be destroying their livers with alcohol and high fat food. After all, it is a great American pastime. I wonder if there will be any funny liver commercials.

You Are the Best, the Liver of My Liver

According to Wikipedia, in Persian, Urdu, and Hindi languages the liver (جگر or जिगर or jigar) symbolically may represent bravery, strong feelings, or "the best." So, if I was Persian, instead of saying, “I saved you the best vegetables, the cream of the crop,” I might say, “I have saved you the liver of vegetables,” which kind of sounds gross. Liver squash has an unappetizing connotation.   

The term jan e jigar, is a term of endearment in Urdu. Translated, it means “the power of my liver." I can just see me whispering to my husband, “You are the power of my liver.” Has a nice ring, doesn’t it?

Jigar is Persian slang is used to express desirability, especially when speaking about women. So, men, if you found a woman sexy, you might say she is a liver lady. I doubt this will get you a date with anyone, unless they are liver geeks.

More Liver History

The liver is mentioned in the sacred Jewish text, the Talmud. The liver is thought to store anger and the gallbladder counteracts the anger. This shows a fundamental lack of understanding about the liver. Not only does the liver remain silent, the gall bladder is a chronic complainer. In a relationship, the gall bladder would be like the quintessential stereotypical complaining wife; the liver would be the passive-aggressive husband, baiting the wife to blow up.

Liver History

The liver shows up in Greek mythology. Zeus was furious with Prometheus because he stole fire and gave it to humans. Zeus ordered Prometheus to be chained to a rock. Every day an eagle would peck out his liver and it would regenerate overnight.

The ancient people of the Near East and Mediterranean areas used sheep livers to tell fortunes, a practice known as haruspicy. Personally, I think palm reading isn’t as messy.

In the time of Plato, the liver was thought harbor dark emotions—rage, jealousy and greed. My goodness, everyone knows that the liver in a non-complaining organ.

A World of Liver Exploration

I spent this past Christmas in the ancient Daintree Rainforest in the tropical northeast coast of Queensland, Australia. We went on a hike, guided by a national treasure of a woman named Pru. She was a retired high school principal and now a steward of the rainforest. I guess she was in her 70’s.

Daintree is home to the endangered cassowary, a huge, flightless bird, that sort of looks like an emu with peacock coloring. There are only about a thousand left. What does this have to do with the liver, you might be wondering? Because Pru told me that the cassowary is very important to the survival of the rainforest because of its large and overactive liver. My ears perked up, astonished that the liver could come up in conversation in the most ancient rainforest in the world. From that moment on, I was consumed with interest about the cassowary and its mega-juiced up liver. I wanted to stop right there and then and learn everything about this hepatic-wonder.

Oh the lovely cassowary,

its liver is worthy of inquiry.