Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

Here is what I want for Christmas:

A pain-free non-invasive replacement for liver biopsies that is 100% accurate that also performs liposuction at the same time.

A 100% effective and cheap treatment for hepatitis C that has only one side effect—making people smarter.

A cheap C vaccine.

A congress that works together and agrees that funding hepatitis C is a great idea.

A shiny new liver that is installable without surgery and comes with a lifetime guarantee.

An iPhone (I figure I will need something fun to play with after I am healthy.)

Merry Christmas from someone who isn’t always good, but tries to be.

Liver Boredom

The liver is one of the most incredible but truly boring organs to blog about. Other than jokes about drinking one’s liver to death, what can be said (and why that is funny, I don’t know). On the other hand, the kidneys are hysterical – pee jokes are endless, plus there is that whole European (you are a peein’) pun. The pancreas makes me laugh just saying it. And then there is the penis – now that is an organ which provides blog fodder. Ah, the poor liver, patiently regenerating, boring but reliable. It warms my hepatic vessels just to think about it.

Liverpool, England

The anniversary of the death of John Lennon makes me think about the Beatles. The Beatles makes me think about Liverpool, the city in London where the Beatles came from. This leads me to wonder if Liverpool is a good place to go for a liver transplant, since it must have a bigger pool of livers. Do I hear groaning?

Your Liver or Your Life

When I was a kid, my brother and I played cops and robbers. By far the more interesting role was the robber. I held a toy gun in my hand and said, “Stick up your hands; your money or your life.”  I am sure Jack Benny would have to think about this.

This memory came to me after the phrase, “your liver or your life” popped into my head. Now that I think about it, it seems weird because everyone knows you can’t live without a liver. If you take the L I V E away, all you have is R and what’s the use of living if all you have left is an R?

Giblets

With Thanksgiving ahead, remember that everything we eat goes through the liver. This means turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, and stuffing. And if you put liver in your stuffing, your liver is processing whatever the other liver processed. Think about it. OK, so this isn’t funny, but I want you to feel good the day after Thanksgiving when I post something funny.  If you eat too much giblet gravy, do you think you will want to laugh?

Liver Savings Time

My liver relished the extra hour of sleep when we turned the clocks back this week. I think we should turn the clocks back every Sunday. I’d get so much sleep that my liver would be doing liversaults.

The Liver Meeting

This is my favorite time of year. It’s when the annual meeting of the American Association of the Study of Liver Diseases (AASLD) is held, otherwise known as the liver meeting. Doesn’t it sound like a bunch of livers hanging around a convention hall? I hope they don’t go out and drink and overeat at the end of the day.