Medical Humor

I am both horrified and amused by the following medical notes written in the Rockingham Hospital Records:

1. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides .

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 11 kgs weight gain in the past three days. (11 kgs is about 24 pounds) 

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.