The Liver Bunny

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It is Easter, and the Liver Bunny brought me chocolate livers, cirrhotic eggs, and yellow marshmallow poops (or was it peeps?).   I wonder what the other good children got today... 

Medical Humor

I am both horrified and amused by the following medical notes written in the Rockingham Hospital Records:

1. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides .

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 11 kgs weight gain in the past three days. (11 kgs is about 24 pounds) 

5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

An Irish Small Tale

We have all heard of Leprechauns, the wee folk of Ireland so famously apparent on St. Paddy's Day. However, few have heard about the Leprechauns' yellow cousins, Heprechauns. These are even rarer than Leprechauns, and if you see one, let me know. 

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Just What the Doctor Ordered

Here are some true medical records dictated by physicians. These are from a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D. for the Journal of Court Reporting and have been reprinted at several Internet sites and magazines. They aren't liver-specific, but humor is always good for the liver.

• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
• She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.



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• The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

Hepatic Hiatuses

I am thinking about a vacation. Where does a liver humorist go when she is trying to get out of town? Here are some suggestions:

• Liverpool (in England)
• Liverton (also in England)
• Livermore, CA

I'll probably choose Liverpool because I like to swim. When I run out of liver locations, I'll visit Braintree in Massachusetts. Perhaps I'll come back smarter.

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