Another Liver-Eating Legend

Probably the most famous liver-eater was Liver-Eating Johnson. His real name was Johnston, but I guess once you start eating livers, people don’t care about the correct spelling of your name. Anyway, there are various accounts about Johnson, and the line between truth and fable are blurry.

The version I’ll tell is that he was married to a pregnant Native American Indian woman who was murdered by Crows (people, not the birds). He went on a revenge spree, killing Crows and eating the liver of everyone he killed. He may have gotten the idea from the Crows as they used to eat the raw livers from their game, believing it gave them the vitality of the animal that they ate.

This is not where the expression “eating crow” came from. (My apologies for the politically incorrect, barely amusing pun.)

P.S. The movie, Jeremiah Johnson was based on Liver-Eating Johnson. It stars Robert Redford. I don’t remember any liver-eating, but I saw the movie in the 1970’s – long before I even realized I had a liver.

A Liver-Eating Legend

I am still on this movie kick.The 1976 motion picture The Message, chronicles the story of Islamic prophet, Mohammad. In accordance with Islamic law, Mohammad is never depicted on screen. The English version of the film stars Anthony Quinn as Mohammad’s uncle and foster brother, Hamza. Irene Pappas plays Hind, the wife of Mohammad’s enemy. During the Battle of Uhud, Hind eats or tastes Hamza’s liver. Not very lady-like. Hope she used a fork.

More Cinematic References to the Liver

Still on an Oscar kick,  I did more liver searching in the Internet Movie Database (imdb). There are 5 titles listed for cod-liver oil, along with mentions of chopped-liver, calf-liver, liver pâté, liver soup and goose liver.

The term liver-transplant shows up 13 times, most famously in Seven Pounds starring Will Smith. Liver-failure, liver donor, cirrhosis of the liver, liver abscess, liver-disease and liver cancer. For what it’s worth, I stopped watching House because I am disgusted with how he treats hepatitis C.

Also mentioned in imdb: liver-spot and liver-eating-mutant (an episode of The X-Files). The liver is sooooo cinematic. 

Cinematic References to the Liver

In honor of the Oscars, I performed an Internet Movie Database search for cinematic references to the liver. The most famous comes from Silence of the Lambs. Anthony Hopkins plays a psychopathic serial killer, Hannibal Lector who said that he ate a victim’s liver served with “some fava beans and a nice chianti.”

Here is imdb’s list of movies/shows with liver in the title:

·          The Liver Eaters aka Spider Baby (US 1968)

·          The Fast Liver aka Gokudo (Japan, 1968)

·          The Liver Birds (UK 1969; TV)

·          Bad Liver & a Broken Heart (US 1996; short)

·          I'd Rather Have Cod Liver Oil aka Dann schon lieber Lebertran (UK 1931; short)

·          Fried Liver aka Tezhvzhik (Soviet Union1962; short)

·          The Cannibal's Liver (UK 2007; short)

·          Brown's German Liver Cure (UK 1911; short)

·          Liver and Bunions aka Cured in the Excitement (US 1927; short)

·          I Am Joe's Liver (US 1984; short)

·          Liver-Colored Dew (US 2005; short)

·          Liver It Up (US 2011; short)

·          The Chopped Liver Brothers (US 1977 TV)

·          The Lightning Liver Cure (US 1920)

·          The Lobster and the Liver: The Unique World of Jim Woodring (Canada 2010; documentary)

Finally, a five-minute short video called, Liver (US 2005). The synopsis is, “Guy is looking for work, in a small town. The job he finds isn't what he expected.” It is listed as a comedy. Has anyone seen it?

I can see it now—the annual Liver Film Festival. Move over Cannes, it is time to share the spotlight. Obviously it should be hosted in Liverpool.

Insults to the Liver

On a recent Daily Show, Jon Stewart quipped that the approval rating of Congress is slightly below hepatitis C - what an insult to hepatitis C!

And while we are on the subject, can you imagine getting a phone call from an opinion pollster asking what your opinion, “On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate hepatitis C?” Compared to what? Hep A? Gonorrhea? A sharp stick in the eye? Being trapped in an elevator with an opinion pollster?

Super PAC C

At the moment I wrote this, Steven Colbert’s Super PAC has raised over a million dollars. This is insane. Do you know how much good that kind of money could do if it was invested in hepatitis C awareness, testing, counseling, or research? I think we should nominate Hepatitis C for President, start a Super PAC, and run a campaign. I can just see the ads now - “C: the Future President.”

Super Bowl

Tomorrow is the Super Bowl, a day I affectionately call the NFL Games (Never Forget Liver Games). While the Giants and Patriots are duking it out, protecting their heads, shoulders, teeth, and jock parts, note that their livers are working overtime and unprotected. In the meantime, much of America will be destroying their livers with alcohol and high fat food. After all, it is a great American pastime. I wonder if there will be any funny liver commercials.