Liver Joke

This joke is not politically correct or funny, but it does use the word liver...

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. 

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” 

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” 

“Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.”

She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” “Ummmm…I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever. 

“My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.” 

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in finesse, is a little Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says… 

“Liver alone. Cheese mine.”

Another lively story from the True Doctor Stories series:

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. “Which one?” I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. ~ Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

More True Doctor Stories

Laughing out loud from this story from the True Doctor Stories series:

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” remorsefully replied the patient. ~ Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

More on Hepatitis Awareness Month

I am still mulling over the idea of making my hepatitis more aware. I am visualizing little viral particles, with heightened consciousness, by-passing my liver, aiming for a new plane of existence. My mantra is, “My hepatitis is aware and moving on to another state of consciousness.”

Taking Liverties

I got this liver-brained idea (or is it hair-livered idea) that a good way to increase liver awareness is by teaching it to kids early. My three-year-old grandson likes nursery songs, so I thought of this one:

Sung to the tune of I’m a Little Teapot (because the liver is sort of teapot shaped):

I’m a little liver, filled with might

Here is my left lobe, here is my right;

Everything you eat and breath and drink

Goes through me, so think, think, think. 

Do you think this will catch on?

Liver Consciousness-raising

May is Hepatitis Awareness Month. The goal is to increase public awareness about viral hepatitis, but the term hepatitis awareness sounds like we are trying to make our hepatitis more aware. A militaristic coach might say, “Come on you virus, open your eyes. Look around you and straighten up.” A Zen teacher would say, “Let go of the past. There is no future. There is only hepatitis.” A Kung Fu master would counsel, “Follow the path of the Tao, little grasshepper.”

A Liver Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

The following post is nothing short of shameless self-promotion, but it is also liverish. My book, Freedom From Hepatitis C, will be released December 2011 by Square One Publishers. A friend saw the book cover on Amazon (available for pre-order) and asked me, “Is that the liver?” I replied, “Yes. The liver is the largest internal organ (the skin is the largest organ, but it is external), weighs 3 lbs., and is the size of a football. It has more than 500 functions, and you can’t live without one."

I was about to continue with this lecture, but then I remembered that she merely asked me, “Is that the liver?” She did not request a seminar. Sometimes I get carried away. I just love the liver.