April is National Donate Life Month

Organ donation is serious business. The only thing that I can think of that is even remotely funny about organ donation is the Internet stories about people being drugged who have their body parts ransacked. They wake up in a bathtub filled with ice; a note tells them that they should call 911 because their kidneys or part of their liver has been removed.  I can’t imagine anyone who was diabolic enough to steal someone’s organ bothering with the ice.

Liver-cation

I will be away for a couple of weeks. Perhaps my vacation will stimulate some liver humor cells. Don’t forget to celebrate April Fool’s Day. If you have children, steer clear of salt shakers and sugar bowls; check the sheets before you go to bed. Get freaked out when your little one tells you there is a spider on your head; if you don't react they may be forced to put a snake on your chair.

Death By Gas

This story is from True Doctor Stories. It has nothing to do with the liver, but it has everything to do with laughter:

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." ~ Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

The Liver Academy Awards

My pick for this year’s Best Picture Oscar was True Gut – A story about a man with intestinal fortitude. However, The King’s Speech did deserve the award, despite the fact that the liver was never mentioned in the credits. I don't know why the liver wasn't mentioned because everyone knows you can’t make a movie without a liver.

Lousy Liver Limericks

There once was a man from Kent

Who drank to his heart’s content

His liver however

Complained whatsoever

Until it gave up and went.

Things You Don't Want Your Doctor to Say

Here are some words you don’t want to hear from your liver doctor:

“You have had hepatitis C for HOW LONG???!!!”

“You donated how many quarts of blood?”

“Could you stop that thing from beating – I can’t concentrate with all this noise.”

“Wow, I have never seen anything like this.”

“You injected your interferon where?”

“You were supposed to take those pills twice a day, not just twice.”

“The injection instructions were once a week, not once a day.”

“The manufacturer recalled the drug you took.”