Light Hepatainment

Amusing his Liver

Although these are not liver-related jokes, we know that humor is good for the liver. These jokes appear in my email inbox from time-to-time and I hope they make your hepatocytes chuckle.

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

A Silly Liver Riddle

Question:
What do you call someone who thinks he or she has hepatitis C, but doesn’t?

Answer:  A hepachondriac

Mid-liver Crisis

Image courtesy of artur84/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tomorrow is my 60th birthday and I am having a midlife crisis.  I am failing as a hepatic comic. Comedy Central isn’t knocking at my door. I have not been invited to any late-night talk shows.  I thought by now I would have replaced Letterman with my own show, The Liverman show.

I am running out of liver-related material and may be forced to blog about the esophagus.  Oprah where are you when I need you?

Hepatitis Camp Song

Summer makes me think of camp. I loved sitting around the campfire, singing Kumbaya and Row, Row, Row Your Boat. I have modernized one of the songs, making it relevant to those with hepatitis C. Warning: This is highly irreverent and tragic.

Where Have All the Livers Gone  (sung to Where Have All the Flowers Gone - apologies to Pete Seeger)

Where have all the livers gone, long time passing?
Where have all the livers gone, long time ago?
Where have all the livers gone?
Hep C patients have picked them everyone.
Oh, when will they ever live?
Oh, when will they ever live?

Where have all the Hep C patients gone, long time passing?
Where have all the Hep C patients gone, long time ago?
Where have all the Hep C patients gone?
Gone for livers everyone.
Oh, when will they ever live?
Oh, when will they ever live?

Tickling the Liver Cells

Image courtesy of FrameAngel/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The following medical humor is not related to hepatitis C or the liver, but hope it makes you feel better. This story is purported to be true.

A woman brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops  In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours."