Hepatitis C Liverature

Is liver-related literature known as liverature?

Hepatitis C Toys

Hepatitis C is not funny, but the best remedy for seriousness is playfulness. Here are a couple of orphaned hepatitis C viruses looking for a new home. Don't invite them in - they are worse than rabbits when it comes to multiplying. And they are harder than cockroaches to get rid of...

Ten Things to Say if Caught Sleeping at Work

Hepatitis C treatment makes people very tired. Here are ten things to say if caught sleeping at work during treatment (I do not take credit for this – it was found on the Internet and I do not know the author):

10) They told me at the doctor’s office this might happen. 

 9) This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time-management course you sent me to.

 8) Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time.

 7) I wasn't sleeping, I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.

 6) I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.

 5) I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminating toward people who practice Yoga?"

 4) Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.

 3) The coffee machine is broken.

 2) Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot.

 1) ... and in Jesus' name. Amen.

The Ten Commandments of Liver Disease

I heard a radio program about the Ten Commandments and decided to suggest some for liver disease:

1. Thou shall put no other priorities before me (translation: no alcohol)
2. Thou shall not idolize any other thing (translation: no alcohol)
3. Thou shall not get drunk and take thy name in vain (translation: no alcohol)
4. Remember thy liver and keep it holy (translation: no alcohol)
5. Honor thy liver (translation: no alcohol)
6. Thou shall not kill the liver (translation: no alcohol)
7. Though shall not cheat on me (translation: do not have an affair with alcohol)
8. Thou shall not steal any alcohol (no translation needed – you will hurt your liver AND go to jail )
9. Though shall not bear false witness against thy liver (translation: no alcohol)
10. Thou shall not covet another man’s bottle (nor should you buy your own bottle)

A Little Egyptian Mythology

In Egyptian mythology, Imsety was one of the four sons of Horus (a major deity in Egyptian mythology). Imsety’s job was to protect the liver of the dead, which if you ask me, is somewhat too late. Imsety was protected by Isis. In the Book of the Dead, Isis is regarded as the giver of life and food to the dead. I don’t really know why the dead need to fed, but that is for someone else’s blog. Perhaps in Egyptian times everyone might have lived longer if the gods had protected them BEFORE they died, but that is just my personal opinion.

By the way, Horus’s other sons protected organs of the dead. Hapi protected the lungs, Duamutef protected the stomach, and Qebehsenuef protected the large intestines. It does not look like anyone was protecting the heart, the brain or the kidneys, which also may be why so many Egyptians died young.

Medical Signs

A little medical humor for a change…

• Sign over a Hepatologist’s Office: “Livers Only”
• At a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
• In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
• On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push."
• At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
• At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit, please back in."
• In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
• In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

An Opinion Piece

The following is my opinion and although it is about humor, it is not funny.

A petition is circulating asking NBC and CBS to stop allowing the use of material that jokes about hepatitis C. The petition is moving, reasonable, and timely. I was going to sign it, in solidarity to those many people I care about who have died, or will die from this disease. I decided not to for the following reasons:

1. Although distasteful and insensitive, bad publicity is better than no publicity. Millions of people have hepatitis C and do not know it. Although a proper awareness campaign is needed, a few tasteless jokes might do more good than harm.
2. I believe that when we can laugh at our pain, healing begins. The problem here is that the writers for CBS and NBC are doing the laughing, but it is a start. Besides, I love a good hep C joke.
3. I am not a fan of censorship. I don’t want to sign a petition that tells people what they can and cannot say. Please don’t send a petition around asking me to stop my silly blog. We have off buttons so we can control what comes into our lives.

If you want to view or sign the petition, visit this link.