Making Lemonade Out of Lactulose

I wish I could write a funny song about having hepatitis C, but alas, I am no song-writer. However, singer, song-writer Brother Dan Palmer, a man on the liver transplant list, has injected his own brand of humor into a lousy situation. Dealing with hepatic encephalopathy, Brother Dan shows that this serious liver-related dementia doesn't need to be taken completely serious.

So pour yourself a shot of lactulose, sit back and listen to Brother Dan's music: Lactulose is My Friend While you are at it, listen to Dan's other songs. Thank you Brother Dan for allowing me to share this. 

The Language of the Liver

The word liver traces its origins to a number of languages, including Old English and German. It may mean to “fatten up.” This seems particularly apt, given the rise of fatty liver disease in the United States.

The liver produces bile, which is necessary for the digestion of fats. Bile passes through a duct system that rivals the Alaskan pipeline. Most of the bile pours into the small intestine, where it breaks down fat. Some bile is stored in the gall bladder.

The immune system depends on the liver. Drugs and alcohol are metabolized by the liver. The liver is an important player in the metabolism of carbohydrates, protein, and fats.

To “fatten up” just doesn’t do the liver justice. It seems to do a little of EVERYTHING. 

The Winner of the April Fool’s Day Contest is…

On April Fool’s Day, I posted the following challenge:

I’ll provide the opening line(s); you provide the joke. Use either of the following, or a variation on the theme:

• A liver walks into a bar…
• Two livers are sitting at a bar…

Here are the results: 

First Place

A liver walks into a bar, sits at a kidney table and orders a fuzzy naval drink; looks in the corner and see a heart and brain playing tic tac toe; says "I'm otta here, I don't have the stomach for this." - Gary P.

Second Place

Two livers are sitting in the bar, the one says, "I'll have a shot of Chivas!" the other liver, a little hard of hearing says, "I know right?! I'm shot to chivas too!" - Marnie S.  

Honorable Mentions

Two livers are sitting at a bar. One liver takes a long hard look at the other liver. “What's wrong? Why are you staring at me?” The other liver says. The staring liver replies, “Gee, you must come here often....you're as yellow as your beer.” - Jennifer R.

Two livers sitting in a bar, sez one to the other, "OMG, look those two worn out pathetic livers sitting there suckin’ down their booze"..."You idiot" sez the other, "That's a mirror, that's us!" - Michael J.

Two livers walk into a bar. One orders a soft drink, the other straight ethanol. The teetotaler say, “Hey, you know we’re not supposed to have alcohol.” The other liver says, It’s OK, I have cancer and my doctor ordered percutaneous ethanol injections. I figure it’ll help if I drink some too.” - Anonymous


Two livers sit in a bar, one liver is crying.-Why are you crying ?- Because the doctor told me I am sick and I must take one pill take one of these pills everyday. If not I die.- OK, you are sick, but the good news is there is a treatment to fight the disease- Sure, but the bad news is that the doctor prescripted me ten pills only. with no renewal. - Ozias M.

Thank you brave contestants!

Liver Fluke

When I get bored, I search the Internet to see if anyone has posted anything funny about the liver. After all, bile ducts and hepatitic enzymes are lightening rods for comedians. While surfing about, I found an interesting article about liver fluke. Yes, liver fluke.

Yes, I know what a fluke is (a parasitic flatworms), but I just couldn’t help thinking about other liver flukes. Imagine a surgeon doing a liver transplant, and opening up someone’s chest cavity and not finding a liver. Would that be a fluke?

Liver Fluke Article

Taxing the Liver

U.S. income taxes are due soon. (Did I hear a groan? Another liver making extra bile?) It isn’t all bad—plenty of comedians have made a living off income tax jokes, an income they have to pay taxes on. Here are a few jokes to help take the sting out of tax day:

“The Internal Revenue Code is about 10 times the size of the Bible—and unlike the Bible, contains no good news.” – Don Rickles

“It's tax time. I know this because I'm staring at documents that make no sense to me, no matter how many beers I drink.” – Dave Barry

“It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.” – Dave Barry

“The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.” – Will Rogers

Hope the ordeal doesn't tax you liver...

Hepatitis C Poetry

April is poetry month. To observe this celebration, this week’s Hepatitis Comics will be hepataining rather than humorous. Here is a link to a poem by Michele Leavitt, a poet who has hepatitis C. The poem is titled, Viral Sestina. A sestina is a 39-line poem consisting of six stanzas of six lines each. The words that end each line of the first stanza are used as line endings in each of the following stanzas. Notice the clever last stanza, which is actually the 7th.

Viral Sestina by Michele Leavitt published in Mezzo Cammin, Volume 6, Issue 2

April Fool’s Day Contest

Today is April Fool’s Day – the holiday that humor bloggers wait all year for. It is the day when pranksters make up things and try to lure an unsuspecting audience into believing something that isn’t true. I am not going to even attempt this because I am positive that Hepatitis Comics readers are too savvy for a common prank, besides, you can’t be unsuspecting if I have already told you what I would have done if you weren’t suspecting it.

So this April, I am opening up the blog to readers to come up with some liver-related jokes. The jokes don’t have to be very funny, but if you have one that makes me laugh out loud, I’ll send you a copy of my book, Free from Hepatitis C (no joke). I will accept entries from anywhere in the world.

I’ll provide the opening line(s); you provide the joke. Use either of the following, or a variation on the theme:

A liver walks into a bar…

Two livers are sitting at a bar…

The deadline is April 25^th. I’ll post the entries on April 28^th.