Saying Goodbye to The Hepatitis Comics

It is with mixed emotions that I have decided to retire The Hepatitis Comics. I created this blog in October 2009 after learning about cancer bloggers who poked humor at aspects of their disease. For more than four years I’ve been laughing at my hepatic self, cracking jaundiced jokes and trying to soften the impact of living with liver disease.

What I did not anticipate is that one day my hepatitis C would be cured. That day is here, and naturally, I am overjoyed. However, I feel I’ve lost my prop. It borders on bad taste to make hepatitis C jokes when you don’t have it. Fortunately, hepatitis C treatment didn’t change my hair color, so I will continue to collect and tell blonde jokes. (Brunettes who tell blonde jokes are just jealous.)

Please follow me on my regular blog, LucindaPorterRN, where I will occasionally lob some liver levity. Thank you for reading The Hepatitis Comics. May you too, be free from hepatitis C, but still full of humor.  

A Post-Thanksgiving Liver Prayer

Thank you, liver, for not complaining once about the turkey, stuffing, gravy, sweet potatoes, and cranberry sauce. I know it would have been better if I had eaten more green beans, but if I had, there would not have been room for extra stuffing. I appreciate all the work you did to help me digest that extra rich food, and although I am grateful, I do have one request. Would you talk to my gall bladder and ask it not to complain so much! A little team work would have made Thanksgiving much more enjoyable. 

A Prayer to My Gall Bladder

A Prayer to My Gall Bladder

I have a Thanksgiving request

I need for you to digest;

dear pouch beneath my liver

I need your help as I eat that sliver

of pie, turkey and extra gravy

and perhaps some stuffing savory;

Break down the fat from all that food

and please, oh please, don’t wreck my mood;

Tiny, bag of green bile,

please continue to work awhile

as I eat a second helping or a third,

spare me, from antacids and attacks of GERD.

Unfortunate Hepatic Typos

A spelling mistake can change the meaning of words, so watch that spellchecker feature... 

• Hepatologist vs herpetologist – Depending on whether you need help with your liver or your snake, be sure you know which specialist to consult
• Hepatitis vs helpatitis – Hepatitis is inflammation of the liver; helpatitis is when all hell breaks loose in the liver
• Gall bladder vs gull bladder – A gall bladder condition needs a physician, a gull bladder problem needs a veterinarian or an ornithologist
• Liver vs lover – You don’t want to lose either. One you can’t live without; the other doesn’t complain
• Pepsi vs hep C – Neither is good for you, but one isn’t contagious 

Liver Trivia

All vertebrates have a liver.  Technically you might not be able to call someone “lily-livered” if they are spineless – check for the presence of a liver first. Don’t call them gutless until you are sure they have a digestive tract. Or just stick with “coward.”

The liver regenerates. This means that your liver is making new cells. I don’t know why that feature was overlooked on my face. It seems entirely reasonable that a new liver would like to have matching eyelids.

A mere quarter of a liver can grow to a full size liver, a process known as compensatory growth. If all organs could do this, then things might have been better for John Wayne Bobbitt if Lorena had left 25% of John’s famous lost member intact.

The liver does not have any nerve endings. This means you could get stabbed in the liver and your liver would not complain about it while you are dying.

Humans cannot live without a liver, so no liver, no liver.

The liver is not trivial.

The Liver Meeting

The Liver Meeting starts today, an annual event sponsored by the American Association for the Study of Liver Diseases (AASLD). Picture a huge convention hall, with presentations from morning to night—all focused on the liver. Speakers hone their liver jokes, capturing the audience’s attention with attention-grabbing opening lines such as, “Two livers walked in a bar…” or “Did you hear the one about the liver that…” Naturally, if you aren’t a hepatologist, you might not think liver jokes are funny.  A herpetologist accidentally attended the Liver Meeting and didn’t get a single joke. 

Halloween at the Hepatitis Comics

In honor of Halloween, I found something ghoulish and liver-related— hepatoscopy. Practiced by the Babylonians, hepatoscopy is an occult ritual which uses a sheep liver in order to look into the future. A priest divided a liver into into sections, with each section representing a particular deity. The priest then interpreted the "signs" of the liver in order to divine a course of action.

There is a biblical reference to this practice, “For the king of Babylon will stop at the fork in the road, at the junction of the two roads to seek an omen; He will cast lots with arrows, he will consult with his idols, he will examine the liver.” – Ezekiel 21:21.

It is a good thing the king of Babylon didn’t pick up that fork in the road…

What are you doing for Halloween? I am watching my neighbor’s livestock to be sure the sheep don’t go missing. 

Laughing with Hepatitis C

The average child laughs around 400 times every day. Contrast this with the average adult who laughs approximately 25 times a day. This fact makes me want to either cry, read Dave Barry or watch Carol Burnett reruns.  For me, laughter is the backbone of physical, emotional and spiritual health. Humor is the thread that keeps me from unraveling. I find ways to inject appropriate humor into nearly everything.

The potential health benefits of laughter are well- researched. However, if you need data to tell you to laugh more, you are in deep trouble. However, for you die-hard data devourers, at the end of this post there are some links so you can dig for details.

For those of you who appreciate laughter, you may be delighted to learn that there is a practice called Laughter Yoga. Originating in India, Laughter Yoga is the practice of laughing as a discipline rather than merely for pleasure. Dr. Madan and Madhuri Kataria developed Laughter Yoga about ten years ago and now there are laughter clubs worldwide. Training is available for anyone interested in becoming a certified Laughter Yoga instructor.

The Laughter Yoga website takes laughter very seriously. So much so, that the following warning is given: “Too much of a good thing can become a bad thing. You cannot laugh too little, but you can laugh too much and put your body into destress (sic).” I assume that this is a typo or translation error and the author meant distress rather than destress. Heck, to de-stress is the main reason why I laugh. Also, I have a hard time believing the statement that one can laugh too much.

The Laughter Yoga caution goes on to say that, too much laughter can actually be dangerous, especially for older people (geezers like me). Well, this may seem closed-minded, but I cannot imagine getting through the geezer years without laughing a lot. Between the loss of eyesight, hearing, brain, keys, stamina, waistline, and sex, I am hanging onto laughter as if it is a life preserver. Besides, death by laughter sounds like a great way to go.

I think that humor helps me cope with all of life’s challenges, particularly hepatitis C. This disease was not a laughing matter when I was first diagnosed, but over time, it has provided some amusing moments. This is particularly true when I am in a hepatitis C group with others who live with this virus. Laughing with others is a communal act. It is like sharing an intimate moment or a fine meal. Laughter lifts the spirits and for a brief time suspends the hard edge of reality. It reminds us that we are all in the same boat.

Now let’s get laughing…This YouTube clip of John Cleese doing Laughter Yoga will get you started.

For Data Die-hards:

How Laughter Works

Helpguide

Laughter Yoga

Hepatitis C: A Matter of Perspective

When describing their experiences of treatment for chronic hepatitis C viral infection, patients commonly use analogies. hepatitis C and its treatment can be challenging. It is interesting and sometimes amusing to see how patients portray their various encounters. Humor can be a powerful coping mechanism. Here are a few of my favorite images:

• “I just tell myself that I am in a rented body. I will upgrade it when I am done with hepatitis C treatment.”
• “It is like menopause, complete with irritability and hot flashes. I love watching men on treatment. I hope it gives them sympathy for menopausal women.”
• “It’s like being at high altitudes, except the view isn’t as good.”
• “My body has been snatched by aliens, except in this case, the aliens are interferon and ribavirin. 
• “Treatment is the easiest weight loss program I have ever been on. I don’t even think of food.”
• “Every once in awhile, I lose my temper or say something inappropriate. It is amazing how words just pop out of my mouth that I never would have said before. At first I chastised myself about it. Now I just tell myself that I have interferon-induced Tourette’s syndrome. Thank goodness it is temporary”
• “HCV treatment feels like a preview of old age.”

In addition to these descriptions, patients sometimes reveal stories about themselves. It is not uncommon for patients to lose their cars. Once I got into the wrong vehicle and the car wasn’t even the same color or make as mine. One poor fellow thought he had taken his sunglasses off and realized that he had actually taken his dentures out. He did this in public. The only time I ever ran out of gas was during treatment. I had placed a post-it on my dashboard, reminding me to buy gas. Unfortunately, the note covered my gas gauge and I did not see the low fuel-warning indicator. What can one do but laugh!

Unliverish Humor

This week, the Hepatitis Comics is providing a break from its usual galling humor, but offering some genuinely funny jokes by other people.

A patient sees his doctor: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." says the doctor. The patient asks, "Is it common?"  "Well, It's Not Unusual." 

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, I was artificially inseminated this morning. "I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull," exclaims Daisy.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 

My liver is groaning. 

If Shakespeare Had Hepatitis C, Part 2

If Shakespeare Had Hepatitis C

In Hamlet, Shakespeare wrote, “Brevity is the soul of wit.” Here at the Hepatitis Comics, I believe in beating a dead joke. So this week, I continue with another installment of “If Shakespeare Had Hepatitis C.” Here are quotes the Bard might have written if his humor was jaundiced…

Out, damned hepatitis C out, I say!
("Out, damned spot! out, I say!" - Macbeth)

To treat, or not to treat: that is the question.
("To be, or not to be: that is the question." - Hamlet)

Neither a borrower nor a lender be; but donate your liver and other organs upon death.
("Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry." - Hamlet)

The liver doth protest too much, methinks.
(“The lady doth protest too much, methinks” - Hamlet)

This above all: to thine’s own liver be true.
(“This above all: to thine own self be true.” - Hamlet)

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your livers.
("Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him". – Julius Caesar)

If Shakespeare Had Hepatitis C

If Shakespeare had hepatitis C, he might have written plays with the following titles:

If Shakespeare Had Hepatitis C

• Romeo and Jaundice
• As You Liver It 
• The Comedy of Livers 
• Love's Livers Lost 
• The Hepatologist of Venice 
• A Midsummer Night's Biopsy
• Much Ado About Hepatitis 
• Taming of the Gall Bladder
• Two Gastroenterologists of Verona 
• Ascites and Cirrhosis
• King Liver
• All's Well That Ends with a Sustained Virolgic Response 

Tasteless Hepatitis C Humor

From time to time, hepatitis C is the subject of tasteless jokes. Many comedians have joked about it, and inevitably it makes the news. Those who live with this disease are often offended by careless quips about hepatitis C. There is an entire facebook page devoted to stopping jokes about hepatitis C.

Hepatitis C jokes are usually tasteless and disturbing, because often they foster misinformation and continue to stigmatize. Even worse, the jokes aren’t funny. Granted, a joke made by someone who lives with hepatitis C is more likely to be appropriate. 

Hepatitis C: A Touchy Subject

All this is to explain a cartoon by Rich Tennant (The 5th Wave). The caption reads, “Once again Ronald felt people were avoiding him because he had hepatitis C.” Ronald is pictured at a cocktail party, wearing a tutu. He is holding a leash that is attached to a turkey. Because of copyright laws, I can’t publish it, but I provided a link to this hepatitis C comic.

Tasteless? Perhaps. Funny? Yes. 

Hepatitis C's Day in Court

This year I participated in a twelve-week clinical trial for hepatitis C. My stats when I began: I had hepatitis C for 25 years; genotype 1a, viral load greater than 8 million, and stage 2 fibrosis.

This was my third hepatitis C treatment. The first was interferon monotherapy in 1997. I did not respond and stopped after three months. The second was 48 weeks of peginterferon and ribavirin in 2003. I relapsed in the post-treatment stage. This time I underwent 12 weeks of triple therapy with Gilead’s sofosbuvir (formerly GS-7977), ledipasvir (formerly GS-5885), and ribavirin.

Hepatitis C's Day in Court

Although this was much easier than the two prior hepatitis C treatments, it was not without challenges. The rash and headache were easy to deal with. Sleep was impossible without the aid of modern chemistry. I was fatigued, my head was cloudy. Apparently, I was a neurotic mess during treatment.  I thought I was moderately together, but my husband would testify in court that I was “difficult to be around.”  Fortunately, I didn’t do anything illegal that would force him to testify in court.

The recovery period was swift and nearly immediately noticeable. Unlike peginterferon’s tedious aftermath of two-steps forward, one-step back, I felt better every day. At my 12-week follow-up visit, I remained free of hepatitis C. I have a 98% chance of remaining this way until the official 24-week post-treatment date in November.

Perhaps I am being overconfident, but 98% sounds like darn good odds to me. The real question is, if I am cured of hepatitis C, will I have material for The Hepatitis Comics? I am sure I will continue to do and say ridiculous things, but without hepatitis C to take the blame, will I be reduced to dumb blonde jokes? The Blonditis Comics just doesn’t have much of a ring to it…

Light Hepatainment

Amusing his Liver

Although these are not liver-related jokes, we know that humor is good for the liver. These jokes appear in my email inbox from time-to-time and I hope they make your hepatocytes chuckle.

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

A Silly Liver Riddle

Question:
What do you call someone who thinks he or she has hepatitis C, but doesn’t?

Answer:  A hepachondriac

Mid-liver Crisis

Image courtesy of artur84/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tomorrow is my 60th birthday and I am having a midlife crisis.  I am failing as a hepatic comic. Comedy Central isn’t knocking at my door. I have not been invited to any late-night talk shows.  I thought by now I would have replaced Letterman with my own show, The Liverman show.

I am running out of liver-related material and may be forced to blog about the esophagus.  Oprah where are you when I need you?

Hepatitis Camp Song

Summer makes me think of camp. I loved sitting around the campfire, singing Kumbaya and Row, Row, Row Your Boat. I have modernized one of the songs, making it relevant to those with hepatitis C. Warning: This is highly irreverent and tragic.

Where Have All the Livers Gone  (sung to Where Have All the Flowers Gone - apologies to Pete Seeger)

Where have all the livers gone, long time passing?
Where have all the livers gone, long time ago?
Where have all the livers gone?
Hep C patients have picked them everyone.
Oh, when will they ever live?
Oh, when will they ever live?

Where have all the Hep C patients gone, long time passing?
Where have all the Hep C patients gone, long time ago?
Where have all the Hep C patients gone?
Gone for livers everyone.
Oh, when will they ever live?
Oh, when will they ever live?

Tickling the Liver Cells

Image courtesy of FrameAngel/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The following medical humor is not related to hepatitis C or the liver, but hope it makes you feel better. This story is purported to be true.

A woman brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops  In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours." 

World Hepatitis Day

July 28th is World Hepatitis Day. I wonder what rituals would emerge if this was an official holiday. I can just see it – red, blue, and yellow decorations along with trees festooned with miniature glass livers. People might play liverball and then eat liver and onions. After their big meal, they might watch the movie with the all time greatest liver line, Silence of the Lambs, where Hannibal Lector said that he ate a victim’s liver served with “some fava beans and a nice chianti.”

Feliz Hepitad Everyone