Saturday, December 7, 2013
Saying Goodbye to The Hepatitis Comics
It is with mixed emotions that I have decided to retire The Hepatitis
Comics. I created this blog in October 2009 after learning about cancer
bloggers who poked humor at aspects of their disease. For more than four years
I’ve been laughing at my hepatic self, cracking jaundiced jokes and trying to
soften the impact of living with liver disease.
What I did not anticipate is that one day my hepatitis C would
be cured. That day is here, and naturally, I am overjoyed. However, I feel I’ve
lost my prop. It borders on bad taste to make hepatitis C jokes when you don’t
have it. Fortunately, hepatitis C treatment didn’t change my hair color, so I
will continue to collect and tell blonde jokes. (Brunettes who tell blonde
jokes are just jealous.)
Please follow me on my regular blog, LucindaPorterRN, where I
will occasionally lob some liver levity. Thank you for reading The Hepatitis Comics. May you too, be
free from hepatitis C, but still full of humor.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
A Post-Thanksgiving Liver Prayer
Thank you, liver, for not complaining once about the turkey,
stuffing, gravy, sweet potatoes, and cranberry sauce. I know it would have been
better if I had eaten more green beans, but if I had, there would not have been
room for extra stuffing. I appreciate all the work you did to help me digest
that extra rich food, and although I am grateful, I do have one request. Would
you talk to my gall bladder and ask it not to complain so much! A little team
work would have made Thanksgiving much more enjoyable.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
A Prayer to My Gall Bladder
A Prayer to My Gall Bladder
I have a Thanksgiving request
I need for you to digest;
dear pouch beneath my liver
I need your help as I eat that sliver
of pie, turkey and extra gravy
and perhaps some stuffing savory;
Break down the fat from all that food
and please, oh please, don’t wreck my mood;
Tiny, bag of green bile,
please continue to work awhile
as I eat a second helping or a third,
spare me, from antacids and attacks of GERD.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Unfortunate Hepatic Typos
A spelling mistake can change the meaning of words, so watch that spellchecker feature...
- Hepatologist vs herpetologist – Depending on whether you need help with your liver or your snake, be sure you know which specialist to consult
- Hepatitis vs helpatitis – Hepatitis is inflammation of the liver; helpatitis is when all hell breaks loose in the liver
- Gall bladder vs gull bladder – A gall bladder condition needs a physician, a gull bladder problem needs a veterinarian or an ornithologist
- Liver vs lover – You don’t want to lose either. One you can’t live without; the other doesn’t complain
- Pepsi vs hep C – Neither is good for you, but one isn’t contagious
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Liver Trivia
All vertebrates have a liver. Technically you might not be able to call
someone “lily-livered” if they are spineless – check for the presence of a
liver first. Don’t call them gutless until you are sure they have a digestive
tract. Or just stick with “coward.”
The liver regenerates. This means that your liver is making
new cells. I don’t know why that feature was overlooked on my face. It seems
entirely reasonable that a new liver would like to have matching eyelids.
A mere quarter of a liver can grow to a full size liver, a
process known as compensatory growth.
If all organs could do this, then things might have been better for John Wayne
Bobbitt if Lorena had left 25% of John’s famous lost member intact.
The liver does not have any nerve endings. This means you
could get stabbed in the liver and your liver would not complain about it while
you are dying.
Humans cannot live without a liver, so no liver, no liver.
The liver is not trivial.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
The Liver Meeting
The Liver Meeting starts today, an annual event sponsored by
the American Association for the Study of Liver Diseases (AASLD). Picture a
huge convention hall, with presentations from morning to night—all focused on
the liver. Speakers hone their liver jokes, capturing the audience’s attention
with attention-grabbing opening lines such as, “Two livers walked in a bar…” or
“Did you hear the one about the liver that…” Naturally, if you aren’t a
hepatologist, you might not think liver jokes are funny. A herpetologist accidentally attended the
Liver Meeting and didn’t get a single joke.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Halloween at the Hepatitis Comics
In honor of Halloween, I found something ghoulish and
liver-related— hepatoscopy. Practiced by the Babylonians, hepatoscopy is an occult ritual which uses a sheep liver in order to look into the future. A priest divided a liver into into sections, with each section
representing a particular deity. The priest then interpreted the
"signs" of the liver in order to divine a course of action.
There is a biblical reference to this practice, “For the king of Babylon will stop at the fork in the road, at the junction of the two roads to seek an omen; He will cast lots with arrows, he will consult with his idols, he will examine the liver.” – Ezekiel 21:21.
It is a good thing the king of Babylon didn’t pick up that fork in the road…
What are you doing for Halloween? I am watching my neighbor’s livestock to be sure the sheep don’t go missing.
There is a biblical reference to this practice, “For the king of Babylon will stop at the fork in the road, at the junction of the two roads to seek an omen; He will cast lots with arrows, he will consult with his idols, he will examine the liver.” – Ezekiel 21:21.
It is a good thing the king of Babylon didn’t pick up that fork in the road…
What are you doing for Halloween? I am watching my neighbor’s livestock to be sure the sheep don’t go missing.
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